Being called "trans" is really condescending.

I got into an argument I really shouldn't have.  I trick myself every time in to thinking I'm doing it "for people who happen to stumble on it," but that couldn't be further from the truth.  The reality was that I was angry because somebody was being a thinly-veiled transphobe.

I used the phrase "cis people" and the person told me to stop "being patronizing to 'cis' people."  Which, due to the scare quotes used around "cis" but never "trans," told me this was one of those people who gets offended when trans people use "cis" as an adjective for them.  Also ironic, considering they started two threads today specifically to provoke trans people.  But I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about people who take offense to being called 'cis."

They all give similar reasons.  Transphobic feminists might complain that  it "takes away women's right to determine their identification," because trans people clearly want cis women to call themselves cis women all of the time, and never just women (FYI, I'm being sarcastic, that's not true).  Other people might complain that they "never" hear trans people use "cis" in a way which is not patronizing.

The latter I can agree with to a point:  Sometimes some trans people do use cis as a pseudo-insult.  But there are a few things cis people need to realize about that:

1.  Cis people are privileged over trans people.  Because of that, we do not have the power to create useful anti-cis slurs.  Same reason nobody reasonably thinks saying "cracker" is usefully oppressing whites or "man-whore" is usefully oppressing men.
2. "Cis" is the opposite of "trans" and was chosen because it is etymologically fair.  The language people who object to "cis" use to describe themselves in the same context is almost always designed to "other" trans people in favor of cementing themselves as the "real" men or, more commonly, "real" women.
3. Despite comments to the contrary, this has happened before.  "Straight," for example, originated as slang used by gay people.
4. Some uses of cis are meant to be snide and obnoxious... but most of the time, the only real offense is that a trans person has hit a nerve regarding a cis person's privilege.  Basically, we have pointed out that the linguistic dynamic of "women versus trans women" or "men versus trans men" is wrong.
5. When you think about it, calling people "trans" is incredibly condescending, too, when you actually think about it.

The Birthday Card My Parents Gave Me

 It's my birthday on Tuesday, so all my family members were getting me cards and stuff.  This was my favorite, which is from my parents:

Awww, sweet, they refer to me as their son finally!  The best part is when you get to the inside, though, when you realize why Mom picked this card:

LOL!

Trans Names Remind Me Of Craft Names

So, in the Pagan/Wiccan/Witch community we have this thing called "craft names" or "magic names."  I don't use one, really, I just go by good old Jackson, but to a lot of people this is a really important issue.  They'll go through a different name every month, thinking it is 100% the most "them" name they have ever seen, and then a few weeks later they realize it's just not "them" anymore.

It's the same issue with trans people.  I see people go through name after name and really stress out about every little thing from what the cultural history of the name is to how creatively they can spell it, often winding up with something that rhymes with "Aidan."  You know, like Brayden, Kaden, Shayden, Jayden, Treyden, etc.

(I know it's a trans male cliché but you absolutely know it to be true.  It's a part of our culture we just have to deal with.)

Oh, believe me, I did the same thing.  I was Jack, Jacques, Jacob, and even tried having a hyphenated first name before I stuck with Jackson.  And when I did pick it, it was seriously as I was filling out the legal name change form.  "Oh God, what do I put here.  You know what?  My parents call me 'Jackson.'  Alright, going with it."  That was three years ago and I haven't had any of the stress I had when I was still skipping from name to name.

Is it absolutely 100% positively "me" all the time?  Does it raise my blood pressure out of excitement whenever I see it on a legal document or hear it spoken?  Do I feel as though there is no other name that could possibly be any better than mine?

Absolutely not.

In fact, sometimes I get annoyed by my name.  When I stuck that name on my name change form, I also changed my middle name to "Andrew," meaning it's "Andrew Jackson" backwards, and he is among my top ten least favorite American presidents.

In the long run, though, that's not the point.

The point is that we are talking about names, something most people don't get to choose anyway.  You're not going to find something that 100% fits you 100% of the time because you are not a name, you are a person.

Find a name... and then chill out.  If it takes you ten years, that's fine, but just remember that all of the doubts you have are probably going to be there all the time no matter what name you pick.  In fact, there are even guys who take a bunch of names they like, put them in a hat, and pull one out.

And it'll grow on you.  Seriously.  The reason most people feel like their names are "them" is that names are a mundane thing that we learn from infancy.  You just have to learn it when you're conscious enough to feel awkward about it, otherwise it's the same thing, and you'll totally be fine.

Yesterday's Shot #9, Awkard Facebook, and Phone Therapy

Had shot number nine yesterday, putting me at eight weeks on testosterone.  Again it hurt more than shot number one, but it's not painful enough to actually bother me both due to my high pain tolerance and because I just haven't been injecting for that long yet.

Changes are slow, as is to be expected.  I have longer vellous hair on my face, especially on the chin around where I already had patches of terminal hair, although it's still vellous for now.  I shaved it off, we'll see how long before it looks like real hair.

I've found that I'm usually very motivated and excited the day I get my shot, with a climax the hour after.  That goes on for about half the week when I revert to a normal motivation level (which is still higher than it was pre-T).  Part of it is I think the rush from actually giving the shot and the relief when it's over.  I do it, and it's fine, but I always get nervous first.

Why I Am Not A Cheerleader For Informed Consent

Something that's been buzzing around my head since I learned about it a few years ago is the idea of "informed consent."  This is a model of getting hormones (and other related medical care) in which rather than going to therapy for a certain amount of time to make sure hormones are what the client needs, clients sign waivers stating that they are aware of the consequences of hormones, what they can and can't do, and that they are of a sound mind to make such a decision.

It's not that I think informed consent is a bad thing--on the contrary, I tried very hard to find somebody who would give me T without a letter before I buckled down and went to a therapist--it's that the discourse surrounding it is based on what I would call "friendly myths" about trans people.

So there are a lot of reasons I really don't promote informed consent.  Admittedly, it is bent toward American trans men, although this whole blog is:

1. It's brought up a lot to people who have not been out for a very long time at all.This is based on that "friendly myth" that if people say they are trans, they are.  That doesn't mean you shouldn't treat them as if they aren't or even as if they might not be, just keep in mind that not everybody you meet on the Internet or in a support group is actually trans.  I know there are going to be people boiling in their boots when I say this, but there are people who decide they want to transition because it's the "in" thing to do or because they have unresolved internalized homophobia.
   Those people will usually dissolve that desire to have hormones once they try living as male for a while and realize it's just not them.  That's fine, but if they've already jumped the gun and started using hormones to masculinize themselves, this is a big problem for both them and the community.  The rate of detransition for trans people who have gotten medical care is rather low.  It's pivotal that we keep it that way, because that's a rough process to have to go through.
2. The low level of contact encourages people to lie.
   The above of course can be easily solved by just saying "You aren't eligible for informed consent unless you've lived in-role for a set period of time," right?  In fact, the standards of care even state that you shouldn't need therapy if you have already been living as male for a long period of time.  Where's the problem?
   There isn't one... if people are telling the truth.  The entire reason I'm thinking about this today is because a guy was cheerleading for informed consent while outright admitting that he'd gone into the doctor's office, played a role, and lied about how long he had been out.  Informed consent, which is usually only available to people who have been out for quite a while, encourages this kind of behavior.
   Therapy can encourage lying, too, but therapists are trained to spot that sort of thing.  Plus, if you have three months of therapy you know that you've been dealing with this at least that three months.
   
3. Therapy gives you more benefits than most people think it does.
   Admittedly?  In some ways this is a regional thing.  Here in Wisconsin a therapist can give you a letter that will get your driver's license changed to male (and your lived name if that hasn't been changed yet) before you are even given a diagnosis.  A lot of people aren't aware of that, but a good therapist will be.
   And if you haven't come out yet--at work, at school, to family, to friends--or if you haven't been living as male full-time, or if you have hang-ups with restrooms and things like that, a therapist can give you help that an endocrinologist might not be able to.
4. It's not an option that's available to everybody.
   This isn't a cut on informed consent in general.  Again, there are benefits for a lot of people.  You don't have to pay for therapy, there's a better chance you won't wind up being diagnosed with a mental illness, it's faster, it puts power in the hands of trans people, etc.  But it's also not available to everybody.
   The closest place I could find to where I live that did informed consent was two and a half hours away, and because I lived that far away and didn't have good enough insurance they rejected me.  I asked other trans men, I asked my doctor, I asked a lot of people... and I could not find somebody who would do this for me despite having lived as male for six years at the time.
   Can you find them around here?  Probably.  But it's a royal pain in the ass, so many doctors don't want to be known as people who will give hormones to trans people without therapy and keep their activities hushed.  And there are some states that barely have doctors who will do it with therapy let alone without.
5. The problems with therapy can be alleviated by better education regarding transition standards and better access to health care.
   Yeah, informed consent is cheaper, especially for people without health insurance.  But we're talking about a health care need, here.  Why is therapy made into the issue and not the right of trans people for proper health care?  Or all people, for that matter?  It's a similar story to people who hand out those contrived Xeroxed pamphlets to women explaining how to be their own gynecologists by shoving specula into themselves and doing guesswork with a mirror rather than championing the right of women to get that health care from a professional.  It's the wrong fight.
   Yeah, informed consent gets rid of the need for therapy a person might not need.  But if therapists and doctors actually listened to a copy of the HBSOC that isn't ancient, they would know that this isn't a standard anymore anyway.  Again, it's the wrong fight.

Informed consent is a good option for people who have access to it, who have actually been living as male for long enough where they are out of the "honeymoon" period so many of us go through, and/or really can't at this moment in time swing therapy.

But that doesn't mean it needs to be promoted everywhere the subject comes up.  It's not the best thing for everybody.