Advice I Wish I'd Listened To, Being A Trans Person Online

So I just spent about a half hour putting various pages through Google's website removal tool.  This is the last step in a long and grueling process which I'd like to share with you, especially the younger "yous" out there who are just beginning to transition.  Especially those of you who think you will NEVER be upset to learn that a Google search tells all your potential employers that you are a "radical anarchist transman" because for some reason you think you are always going to be that way.

I started using my real name because Autumn Sandeen uses her real name.  There was a controversy a few years ago in which she had positioned the use of her real name as a noble sacrifice that made her more genuine than anyone else, and I was running a marginally popular Twitter account (300+ followers) and an associated blog.  Somewhere in the fishbowl that was being an on-campus-living college student and not really having a concept of the consequences of my actions yet, I decided this was an awesome idea and flipped my entire online persona to my real name.

This went on for a while, and there were no problems.  No transphobic assholes knocking at my door with pistols, no hate mail, no egregious lost job opportunities that I'm aware of, and in fact the only stalker incident I had was with a German penpal who moved to America on a whim and decided to track me down (I still have no idea how he did that considering we wrote each other a total of twice).  Now it's been so long I barely remember those personas that I used to identify with.  And in that time, my real name's Internet presence is no longer in my control.

Don't connect your real name to everything.

And you know what?  I know that a lot of you just flat out aren't going to fucking listen to me.  You're going to say to yourself things like "I'm out and proud to be trans and I don't care who knows!" or "I am going to be an anarchist FOREVER because I read one publication from the CrimethInc Ex-Worker's Collective and feel like I'm a part of something" or "It doesn't matter that I said here that I support an animal rights terrorist organization because there's no way I'm going to get sick on veganism and wind up sobbing as I bite into an egg sandwich" and similar I-see-the-future-because-I'm-22-years-old-and-know-anything comments.

You know what?  Most of us think that way.  I thought things when I was younger that I am really embarrassed by now, and I think things now which I'll be embarrassed by when I'm 35, and it's totally cool to talk about that stuff on the Internet.  That's one of the best things about the Internet.

Don't connect your real name to it.  "But I'm going to be..."  No.  Just think about it.  Think about these things.

1. You can't just delete stuff from the Internet.  Google and other search engines cache this shit, the WayBackMachine shows websites I built in nineteen-fucking-ninety-nine, and there are bullshit "services" like MyTwitterDirectory and WhitePages which crawl the Internet looking for your information to get clicks.
   
   The first thing you get from me in a Google search is WhitePages which identifies me as a radical queer, vegan, anarchist activist.  It links to a Twitter page I no longer maintain, and which I actually destroyed by entirely deleting it.  The Twitter account no longer says anything about me, but WhitePages still does.  I contacted WhitePages multiple times and they did nothing... I just noticed today that it no longer has my Twitter on there, but that had nothing to do with me pestering them, it had to do with a site layout change.  None of these websites give two shits whether you want your information on them.  And once your information is gone, you still have to ask Google to get rid of the cached version, because plunking your name in there still results in a hit.
   
   In addition, if people really like your material, they may copy it with credit.  Which feels fantastic at the time, until you realize five years later that there are now dozens of copies of an article you wrote cross-posted on the Internet with your name plastered all over them.  And you have to go to every single one of them and ask the person maintaining it to pull your information down.  Plenty of people will do this if they like you... but there are also graveyards upon graveyards of websites that are no longer maintained that you have to worry about.  And you still have to ask Google to get rid of the cache.
   
2. You do not know what your transition is going to look like when you first decide to do it.  When I first started transition, I expected to be an androgynous being who didn't want bottom surgery and wasn't even sure about hormones.  How many young trans guys are out there blasting bottom surgery because they heard some ridiculous stereotype about it, when they aren't even on testosterone yet?  Getting on T has an almost magical ability to make some trans guys want bottom surgery.
   
   One of those things is this:  You do not know now if you will want to be stealth in the future.  I can tell you that right now I don't really want to be stealth in most of my life.  I am at school, and that's it.  In many ways I can't prevent that (in addition my court records stating the obvious, my parents seem to out me with gusto).
   
   But I can, for the most part, control who I talk to in person.  I can at the very least hide shit on Facebook, although it's certainly not perfect and they love changing shit on you.  Once you get Google-bombed as a trans person, that ability is severely limited.
   
   It may not bother you now, but in the future you may tire of being seen as the guy with a vagina (even if you don't have one anymore) and just want to be a man for once.  You may not like that viewpoint now, but please understand that it may be like this for you in the future.
   
3. You are going to, someday, want to get a job.  Well, most of you will, anyway.  And if you're an idealist you'll probably eventually learn that the nonprofit sector isn't always a wonderful place to work if you aren't the CEO, and living out of trash cans is also not particularly fun, so you'll probably try to get a job working for cash money at some point in your life.
   
   And employers regularly will check your online presence.  They may even do shady shit like hiring people to snoop on your Facebook account.  Maybe you won't be penalized for being trans, and plenty of us do find jobs as trans people and transition on the job... but keep in mind, this isn't just about being trans, it's about the attitudes you may have as a young trans person that you might not have in the future.
   
4. You don't know what your politics are going to be in the future.  So in related news, I just learned that one of my favorite people, Berlin Reed (The Ethical Butcher) is a trans man.  why didn't I know that?  I don't know.  But whatever the case, the reason I know this now is because he has (had?) a "vegan" tattoo.  I was a vegan for three years and definitely thought about things like PETA bunny tattoos before I settled on my Patron God instead (which is still gonna be funny if I ever convert to Christianity).
   
   It's kind of like getting a tattoo with your lover's name on it.  Of course you think you'll be together forever.  But, you know, it happens.  You'll probably break up with your current politics, even if only through the details.  And there are plenty of people out there who get ragged on in bars because they're drinking a beer when they have one of those ridiculous straight edge tattoos.
   
   Think of what you put on the Internet as a tattoo.  It's a good way of thinking about it, actually, because it's always going to be there in some way, shape or form.  If you delete it, WayBackMachine has it, Google's cache has it, and content farmers probably have it.  Do you want "I am a trans man" tattooed on the Internet?  Maybe, but at least get it tattooed somewhere people aren't going to see it unless you show them... by using an alias and not your real name.

I'm not getting knocks on my door from angry protesters, I'm not getting death threats, but I do get my privacy invaded.  I get talked about at work.  I get people who have crushes on me Googling me.  And I do wind up having to scrub the Internet looking for my own name every month to get rid of stuff that has been out of date for years.

Don't be ashamed by who you are... but keep in mind that maybe you won't want everybody to know later.  So control it now, because you will not have that ability in the future.

Being called "trans" is really condescending.

I got into an argument I really shouldn't have.  I trick myself every time in to thinking I'm doing it "for people who happen to stumble on it," but that couldn't be further from the truth.  The reality was that I was angry because somebody was being a thinly-veiled transphobe.

I used the phrase "cis people" and the person told me to stop "being patronizing to 'cis' people."  Which, due to the scare quotes used around "cis" but never "trans," told me this was one of those people who gets offended when trans people use "cis" as an adjective for them.  Also ironic, considering they started two threads today specifically to provoke trans people.  But I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about people who take offense to being called 'cis."

They all give similar reasons.  Transphobic feminists might complain that  it "takes away women's right to determine their identification," because trans people clearly want cis women to call themselves cis women all of the time, and never just women (FYI, I'm being sarcastic, that's not true).  Other people might complain that they "never" hear trans people use "cis" in a way which is not patronizing.

The latter I can agree with to a point:  Sometimes some trans people do use cis as a pseudo-insult.  But there are a few things cis people need to realize about that:

1.  Cis people are privileged over trans people.  Because of that, we do not have the power to create useful anti-cis slurs.  Same reason nobody reasonably thinks saying "cracker" is usefully oppressing whites or "man-whore" is usefully oppressing men.
2. "Cis" is the opposite of "trans" and was chosen because it is etymologically fair.  The language people who object to "cis" use to describe themselves in the same context is almost always designed to "other" trans people in favor of cementing themselves as the "real" men or, more commonly, "real" women.
3. Despite comments to the contrary, this has happened before.  "Straight," for example, originated as slang used by gay people.
4. Some uses of cis are meant to be snide and obnoxious... but most of the time, the only real offense is that a trans person has hit a nerve regarding a cis person's privilege.  Basically, we have pointed out that the linguistic dynamic of "women versus trans women" or "men versus trans men" is wrong.
5. When you think about it, calling people "trans" is incredibly condescending, too, when you actually think about it.

Trans Names Remind Me Of Craft Names

So, in the Pagan/Wiccan/Witch community we have this thing called "craft names" or "magic names."  I don't use one, really, I just go by good old Jackson, but to a lot of people this is a really important issue.  They'll go through a different name every month, thinking it is 100% the most "them" name they have ever seen, and then a few weeks later they realize it's just not "them" anymore.

It's the same issue with trans people.  I see people go through name after name and really stress out about every little thing from what the cultural history of the name is to how creatively they can spell it, often winding up with something that rhymes with "Aidan."  You know, like Brayden, Kaden, Shayden, Jayden, Treyden, etc.

(I know it's a trans male cliché but you absolutely know it to be true.  It's a part of our culture we just have to deal with.)

Oh, believe me, I did the same thing.  I was Jack, Jacques, Jacob, and even tried having a hyphenated first name before I stuck with Jackson.  And when I did pick it, it was seriously as I was filling out the legal name change form.  "Oh God, what do I put here.  You know what?  My parents call me 'Jackson.'  Alright, going with it."  That was three years ago and I haven't had any of the stress I had when I was still skipping from name to name.

Is it absolutely 100% positively "me" all the time?  Does it raise my blood pressure out of excitement whenever I see it on a legal document or hear it spoken?  Do I feel as though there is no other name that could possibly be any better than mine?

Absolutely not.

In fact, sometimes I get annoyed by my name.  When I stuck that name on my name change form, I also changed my middle name to "Andrew," meaning it's "Andrew Jackson" backwards, and he is among my top ten least favorite American presidents.

In the long run, though, that's not the point.

The point is that we are talking about names, something most people don't get to choose anyway.  You're not going to find something that 100% fits you 100% of the time because you are not a name, you are a person.

Find a name... and then chill out.  If it takes you ten years, that's fine, but just remember that all of the doubts you have are probably going to be there all the time no matter what name you pick.  In fact, there are even guys who take a bunch of names they like, put them in a hat, and pull one out.

And it'll grow on you.  Seriously.  The reason most people feel like their names are "them" is that names are a mundane thing that we learn from infancy.  You just have to learn it when you're conscious enough to feel awkward about it, otherwise it's the same thing, and you'll totally be fine.

Why I Am Not A Cheerleader For Informed Consent

Something that's been buzzing around my head since I learned about it a few years ago is the idea of "informed consent."  This is a model of getting hormones (and other related medical care) in which rather than going to therapy for a certain amount of time to make sure hormones are what the client needs, clients sign waivers stating that they are aware of the consequences of hormones, what they can and can't do, and that they are of a sound mind to make such a decision.

It's not that I think informed consent is a bad thing--on the contrary, I tried very hard to find somebody who would give me T without a letter before I buckled down and went to a therapist--it's that the discourse surrounding it is based on what I would call "friendly myths" about trans people.

So there are a lot of reasons I really don't promote informed consent.  Admittedly, it is bent toward American trans men, although this whole blog is:

1. It's brought up a lot to people who have not been out for a very long time at all.This is based on that "friendly myth" that if people say they are trans, they are.  That doesn't mean you shouldn't treat them as if they aren't or even as if they might not be, just keep in mind that not everybody you meet on the Internet or in a support group is actually trans.  I know there are going to be people boiling in their boots when I say this, but there are people who decide they want to transition because it's the "in" thing to do or because they have unresolved internalized homophobia.
   Those people will usually dissolve that desire to have hormones once they try living as male for a while and realize it's just not them.  That's fine, but if they've already jumped the gun and started using hormones to masculinize themselves, this is a big problem for both them and the community.  The rate of detransition for trans people who have gotten medical care is rather low.  It's pivotal that we keep it that way, because that's a rough process to have to go through.
2. The low level of contact encourages people to lie.
   The above of course can be easily solved by just saying "You aren't eligible for informed consent unless you've lived in-role for a set period of time," right?  In fact, the standards of care even state that you shouldn't need therapy if you have already been living as male for a long period of time.  Where's the problem?
   There isn't one... if people are telling the truth.  The entire reason I'm thinking about this today is because a guy was cheerleading for informed consent while outright admitting that he'd gone into the doctor's office, played a role, and lied about how long he had been out.  Informed consent, which is usually only available to people who have been out for quite a while, encourages this kind of behavior.
   Therapy can encourage lying, too, but therapists are trained to spot that sort of thing.  Plus, if you have three months of therapy you know that you've been dealing with this at least that three months.
   
3. Therapy gives you more benefits than most people think it does.
   Admittedly?  In some ways this is a regional thing.  Here in Wisconsin a therapist can give you a letter that will get your driver's license changed to male (and your lived name if that hasn't been changed yet) before you are even given a diagnosis.  A lot of people aren't aware of that, but a good therapist will be.
   And if you haven't come out yet--at work, at school, to family, to friends--or if you haven't been living as male full-time, or if you have hang-ups with restrooms and things like that, a therapist can give you help that an endocrinologist might not be able to.
4. It's not an option that's available to everybody.
   This isn't a cut on informed consent in general.  Again, there are benefits for a lot of people.  You don't have to pay for therapy, there's a better chance you won't wind up being diagnosed with a mental illness, it's faster, it puts power in the hands of trans people, etc.  But it's also not available to everybody.
   The closest place I could find to where I live that did informed consent was two and a half hours away, and because I lived that far away and didn't have good enough insurance they rejected me.  I asked other trans men, I asked my doctor, I asked a lot of people... and I could not find somebody who would do this for me despite having lived as male for six years at the time.
   Can you find them around here?  Probably.  But it's a royal pain in the ass, so many doctors don't want to be known as people who will give hormones to trans people without therapy and keep their activities hushed.  And there are some states that barely have doctors who will do it with therapy let alone without.
5. The problems with therapy can be alleviated by better education regarding transition standards and better access to health care.
   Yeah, informed consent is cheaper, especially for people without health insurance.  But we're talking about a health care need, here.  Why is therapy made into the issue and not the right of trans people for proper health care?  Or all people, for that matter?  It's a similar story to people who hand out those contrived Xeroxed pamphlets to women explaining how to be their own gynecologists by shoving specula into themselves and doing guesswork with a mirror rather than championing the right of women to get that health care from a professional.  It's the wrong fight.
   Yeah, informed consent gets rid of the need for therapy a person might not need.  But if therapists and doctors actually listened to a copy of the HBSOC that isn't ancient, they would know that this isn't a standard anymore anyway.  Again, it's the wrong fight.

Informed consent is a good option for people who have access to it, who have actually been living as male for long enough where they are out of the "honeymoon" period so many of us go through, and/or really can't at this moment in time swing therapy.

But that doesn't mean it needs to be promoted everywhere the subject comes up.  It's not the best thing for everybody.

I'm not being self-depreciating, I'm just saying I'm not more legit.

"You're not like her, though."  No, seriously, wait until you hear this.  "I knew her back before she got into all this transguy stuff... she still acts like the same lesbian she always has been, I mean just look at her.  You, you're legit."

What prompted this, and keep in mind this was a long time ago, was the fact that I requested people stop referring to Zachary, probably the first other trans man I ever met in person who I knew was a trans man, as a lesbian and using female pronouns.

Allow me to mention a few things before I continue.  First off, the woman on the far left in this picture from eleven years ago is me:

That is how people knew me for years.  A baggy-clothed butch girl with a pseudo-mullet.

Trans People Are Not Up For LGBT Debate

You  know, I don't want to spend a hell of a lot of time on this because it's just going to frustrate me, but reading the asinine comments in the Advocate about how "Work It" is totally not offensive to trans people because the characters aren't trans people has really gotten to me.

I just want to say that I'm sick of LGB groups acting as if trans people are or should be a subject of debate.

I'm sick of the fact that the Advocate seems not to moderate comments to get rid of cissexist minimizing about how trans people shouldn't be offended by things that are offensive.

I'm sick of the fact that there are lesbian blogs in which it is considered perfectly OK to write nasty hate bile about trans people where it would be considered absolutely appalling to write similar critiques about sexual orientation.

I'm sick of the fact that even Bilerico's Bil Browning seemed to kick and scream in 2009 before he'd take a transphobic article off of his website because it happened to be written by a gay civil rights leader.

I'm sick of the fact that I've had to sit through LGBT meetings where people turn down all ideas for trans inclusion because they aren't "marketable."

I'm sick of the fact that the HRC has actually given people poorly written surveys in order to "prove" their membership doesn't consider our freedoms important and to justify not fighting for trans people equally.

In short, I'm just getting really fucking sick of the fact that it's not just an issue of ignoring us and keeping us invisible,  I'm sick of being a topic of debate.  I am not your topic of debate any more than you should be mine.

I was a chugger, too.

This video showed up in my Original Plumbing feed today.

It's the testimony of somebody who worked for what I have come to know as a "liberal sweatshop," it's a canvassing contractor used by a lot of large lobby organizations like the Human Rights Campaign.  And I totally was a canvasser for them, so this is a very personal thing for me.

So you're not a dysphoric transsexual. Want a cookie?

We're going to make this I guess an etiquette article as well as a viewpoints article because although it's clearly a viewpoint essay it's also based on etiquette.  And that etiquette lesson has to do with an open disregard for other trans people regarding identity and dysphoria.  Recently it reared its head in a discussion of non-dysphoric trans men.  It started with an honest question and then devolved rapidly into mocking dysphoric trans people.

There were a couple myths thrown around in this discussion I'd like to address, as well as a sort of etiquette warning.

1. Dysphoria isn't what everyone seems to think it is.
2. Dysphoria isn't a failing on the part of dysphoric people.
3. It is not cool to mock dysphoria if you don't have it.

Which I will explain after the jump.

Therapy session five. Also, therapy isn't that bad. Seriously.

Scientologists.

Has it been two weeks since I posted anything?  Wow.  Oh, it was a little less than that because I delayed my therapy post.

So I had my last therapy session until September.  I already planned on postponing to work on the other half of the state through the summer, I had to postpone early because a clinic I went to five years ago decided I needed a surprise bill! for about what one of my sessions cost, and I want to avoid borrowing money.  I'm not in a bad mood about it, though, because I'm excited for the summer, my brother's wedding, and some other stuff and I know testosterone is going to happen anyway.  I told my best friend about this and he said "You've been waiting a quarter of a century, what's another two weeks?"

So today's session was actually devoid of depressing stuff!  But I've also for the past few weeks been thinking about the attitude I've been seeing among trans people with regard to therapy.  I'd like to address that, and we'll see how long it takes for my little hit counter to spike from somebody being angry at me ^_^

(Trans) Male Privilege

You ever get pissed about something and then you sort of do a 180 over it later once you calm down?  So, white female privilege.  Bring this up and  it seems like scores of people come out of the woodwork to yell "there is no female privilege!"  I never actually said anything, but yes, my brain went there.  I've identified as a feminist for a long time, and there are some themes within feminism that are pretty much drilled into your head, largely that oppression is one-way and therefore things like "female privilege" or "black privilege" are considered nonexistent.  Which also makes me think about several times in which certain trans women have railed against trans men for various things, like the existence of trans male only support groups.  So I thought about how ludicrous I thought the idea of "trans male privilege" was.  I believed (as I continue to do) that I have male privilege, but trans male privilege seemed a stretch.  So I was looking at the idea of white female privilege, as well as black male privilege and some other various phrases used, with that lens.

Once I cooled down, though, I realize that it's not as problematic as I thought.  Including the concept of trans male privilege, which I'd like to keep the focus of this simply because I am a trans man and don't want to be telling women what's what.  Also, the way people fight against this usage is I think sort of indicative of the same attitudes that drive some groups (particularly people of color groups) away from feminism.

More Natural Transitioning Stuff

Another warning against trying Natural Transitioning without actually following it from TheSLOfox:

Natural Transitioning

[Im Cr Sage Ross]

This essay is subject to a lot of edits as of December 18th, 2011.  It's basically a whole new article.

I'm going to be sort of frank and blunt in this essay because this is an opinion I really want to make clear to people.  A lot of my trans guy friends are getting into a particular method of transition and are becoming nearly evangelical about it.  It's a method to increase the amount of testosterone an FTM man's body makes without injecting testosterone. It's called "Natural Transitioning^TM" and involves essentially using the same techniques and supplements bodybuilders use.

So why do people use NT?  It has essentially been advertised as something for trans men who have medical problems preventing them from taking testosterone, but honestly there are few people who actually use it for that reason because for as massive an undertaking hormone therapy may be, it doesn't have all that many contraindications that wouldn't also contraindicate NT.  People do it to avoid therapy, because they believe it is safer, because they can't afford some part of the medical process, some even because they are either vegans or natural health junkies.  If you are in these categories, I'd advise you to take this to note.

Alright, wow.

Wow, seriously. This video doesn't make me stop supporting Planned Parenthood, but what the fuck. Based on the people I initially saw posting this I thought it was going to be something inclusive; in my community phrases like "vagina-havers" is meant to be a way of referring to the physical health of cis women and trans men, or just whatever bodily function happens to be recognized... "menstruators" was another one.

But, no, this is another one of those "When we say 'has a vagina' we mean women. Period. Huh, huh, period!" campaigns.

Passing Privilege: A Kind-Of Response

I call this a "kind-of response" because when I first read the essay Macho Men & The Femme Factor by Sabrina Pandora I was irritated beyond all belief.  I had a lot of plans to write my own observational essay on why trans women and trans men don't always hang out together at the soda shop or whatever the kids are doing these days, but it never got published because I didn't want to alienate trans women just because one trans woman wrote something that seemed to entirely blame trans men for the lack of collaboration between us.

This is a revised, much more cooled-off version of what I would have written back then which I hope does not automatically pin either trans women or trans men (or in fact all genderqueer people or all traditional transsexuals or anybody) as the reason we tend to gather in cliques.  The thing is, it really isn't just one group of us doing it... it's all of us.

LGB People: No, you can't use the word "tranny."

Ann Coulter: Not a "tranny."

I've been cooking this one for a few days now.  I've decided to become involved in my old Rainbow Alliance again, even though I graduated from that school.  My current school I'm pretty sure doesn't have an LGBT group and I'm awkward about joining a new one, so off to the old one I go.

First, background.  I was an officer of this organization for I think two years (Or was it three?  I'm pretty sure it was two, but I was an officer in a lot of clubs and orgs in College: First Attempt so I may be wrong).  In the three years I was involved in it, I became kind of that go-to token trans guy who you talked to when you wanted to understand some trans issue and helped people who wanted to understand radical queer politics.  So while I was there, there wasn't all that much crap being said and done to our trans population.  Yes, there was cissexist garbage, but it was easily controlled because there were people who were advocating.  When I left, a different trans guy (who technically is an author of this blog, too, although he hasn't written anything) kind of took over.  Now he's gone, too.

Is putting trans people in mainstream advertising ever okay?

Edit:  Sabrina Pandora of TQ Nation has a different perspective on this commercial which you can read at REWARDS WHERE DUE on their WordPress.  Quite a few trans people are considering this commercial to be a good thing, so I figured it was important to show that they have perspectives on this too.

The commercials during the Super Bowl were pretty crappy this year, but somewhere between the pre-game show and kick-off this commercial came on and I immediately had to rewind the DVR because it confused the hell out of me.  It took me a while and a little talking with others to finally decide whether I was okay with it or not... and the answer, spoiler alert, is "no."

Do I Pass?

I've noted a trend that isn't recent but it is common among trans people online, and that's the habit of posting a picture of yourself online and asking the fatal question "Do I Pass?"  Recently a part of it included the tendency to get pissed off when people actually answered the question honestly, which I can only partially condemn because a lot of that advice really was pretty shitty.

But anyway, there's my basic opinion on the whole issue:  Most advice you get from people looking at your picture will be neither necessary nor accurate.  And there is a very good reason for that.

I am not a "bio-girl," thank you very fucking much.

So there's this website called QueerSecrets.  It's a Tumblr which is kind of like PostSecret but for queer people, and instead of sending a letter you send a graphic file or something like that.  A rather disproportionate number of the posts on QueerSecrets are from FTM transfolk.  That's just an aside, actually.

There's a reason I don't subscribe to it.  And that's because of posts like this:



Yes, poster, the entire reason I have been living as a man for the past seven years and the reason there is an "influx" of people like me is because society has made me feel unhappy with myself as a "woman."

It's not like being a transman has subjected me to intense scrutiny of my body as it relates to my gender identity, that's something that clearly only happens to cis women or as you call them "bio-girls."  Clearly the "influx" of transmen isn't because we ever lacked visibility and resources like the Internet, this is all happening right now because otherwise cis people would have known about it because cis people are experts on trans people and why we are the way we are.  I know this because cis people tell me so.  I don't know anything about myself until it's told to me by a cis person.

Things cis people don't have to think about...

A couple friends of mine were recently complaining about how uncomfortable and undignified people consider the new TSA procedures including full-body "naked" scanners and invasive pat-down procedures that involve touching the breasts, groin, buttocks, and other areas most of us consider private.  They said that we are all comfortable with this around doctors, so why not around TSA employees?

If you think like this, stop.

It's very easy to say things about how people are making their own naked bodies too big a deal when their bodies are considered "normal" by most society.  Those of us who use prosthetics or body shapers have a very different set of problems than you do.  They already made this breast cancer survivor take out her prosthesis, which is a standard part of the procedure.  I'm just waiting for them to ask a transman to whip out his prosthetic penis to subject to explosive testing.  Wouldn't that just be good times?  You could just decide not to wear it that day, but that's its own can of worms as you walk through the scanner or subject to their grope test and they notice something is amiss.

All over something that makes your flight only marginally safer than it was before.

But no, we're all just naked under our clothes, why should we worry about that sort of thing?  Because clearly my body is everyone's business.

Also, the NCTE has an article detailing what trans people need to know about the new TSA procedures which is worth a read if you fly a lot or plan on flying in the near future.

I have an oppressor complex the size of Alaska.

Milwaukee Pridefest, 2008

The amount of space dedicated to the interests of transmen as transmen is necessary.  We deserve the right to identify ourselves, we deserve the right to determine our own needs, we deserve the right to space, and we deserve the right to exist.

It's taken me years to be comfortable with saying this.  Because, due to the crowd I was allying with during my first run through college, I was internalizing the belief that because I was entering manhood, I was an oppressor whose role in that environment was to unquestionably accept critiques regarding my identity as a man.

So if transmen were forming their own groups because we felt unwelcome or unheard at mixed trans groups, it was because transmen were transmisogynists.  If we were uncomfortable with Dr. Alan Hart or Brandon Teena being portrayed as lesbians, it was because we were homophobic.  If there were fewer butch women in the world, it was because we were luring them into transgenderism.  If we got excited about our surgeries or the effects our hormones were having on us, we were devaluing women's bodies.  If we considered ourselves fully a member of our lived gender, we were being binary-enforcers and demeaning genderqueer people.

Being surrounded by the vocal minority that says things like this, it hard for me to remember that I had important problems, too.