Oh dear God... one of these again... can I blame the hormones? Naw, I think not.
Maybe my hairline isn't receding. Maybe I'm just pulling my hair out because it's like every time I go check up on my online trans community I am barraged by a bunch of shit that's either triggering, oppressive, or flat out obnoxious. Stuff that makes me want to yank pixels out of my computer screen just to stop seeing it (although that would be inefficient and in the long run expensive).
So there are a few things I would love to never hear again, although I'm sure I will:
"Man, why are you so up-tight about the pronoun issue? I mean, it's not their fault if you don't pass. Just roll with it. Gender isn't a big thing, anyway."
This has in recent memory come from genderqueers and people who like fucking with cis peoples' heads as well as post-transitional trans men who have it in their heads that everybody should just be patient and wait for the world to meet them. Oh, and cis people like to say it, too, especially as a variant of "Well, why do you have to be a man or a woman?" when they are clearly either one or the other.
As somebody who does pass and who really only has to deal with the pronoun issue from his parents, this still makes my eye tick. Pronouns are really important when your identity doesn't--can't--match seamlessly with your presentation. It's not just an annoyance, it is really fucking depressing. When a non-binary person (at least the kind who holds the "pronouns don't matter" viewpoint) gets misgendered, they might consider it funny or even a success. When a cis person or well-transitioned trans person gets misgendered, they have the privilege of thinking it's a bizarre fluke. To a binary trans, non-passing or not-always-passing person incorrect pronouns are a confirmation that reminds you of everything you want and don't have.
It's easy for me to look at trans guys who freak out about being called "she" and think about them as childish or impatient, but it's not my place--or anybody else's--to judge them in such a manner, especially considering I haven't had that problem aside from relatives in over six months.
"Testosterone isn't expensive. Just get another job and stop buying frivolous shit."
As a low-income person this attitude really, really cuts me for a variety of reasons.
I lived as male for nine years before I got testosterone. And to get it I had to spend a lot of money that could have gone to food or paying for school. Three months of therapy (because I couldn't get accepted by any informed consent programs and I had no health insurance) including having to drive an hour each way every week was no small sacrifice for me, and I still had to borrow money from my parents. When I started therapy my father argued with me over it calling me "impatient." Yes. After nine years.
When I was at the tail end of my therapy, my therapist informed me that not only would I have to have four more sessions after I started T, she was dropping her sliding scale and raising her price. The amount I had to pay went magically from $60 a session to $115 a session.
I luckily found an endocrinologist that took my health insurance. Each blood panel would have been roughly $350... without the hospital visit. There's always a chance my insurance will reject one of those blood panels if they figure out why they're being drawn.
The testosterone itself? No, that's not expensive. I spend around $60 for a 10mL vial and needles now. That's nothing. But getting it was extremely difficult and for my income level it is a huge financial hit. Was it worth it? Of course it was. Testosterone was the best decision of my life.
But seeing people tell other trans guys that this isn't expensive and that everybody can do it easily if they just "get two jobs" is fucking insulting. People shouldn't have to work two jobs to get their basic needs met.
"Bottom surgery is just disgusting! Have you ever even seen it?! It doesn't even work!"
There is something which, while it is a phenomenon that goes back much further than Chaz Bono coming out, I like to call the "Chaz Bono Effect."
Basically trans guys, usually pre-T or relatively early on T, talk about how terrible FTM bottom surgery is. Then they are on T for a while, or out for a while, and "suddenly" want it. Or at least strongly consider it.
Happened to me, too. Granted, I wasn't particularly vocal about it... but lots of people are. There is a lot of trash-talking of bottom-op among FTMs that leads to a really unrealistic view of what bottom-op actually is.
First off, phalloplasties aren't the only option. Second, they're better than people think they are. And third, your priorities likely will change once you get on T or have been on it for a while. There are plenty of trans guys who were in the "I will NEVER have bottom-op!" crowd who were on T for a few months, had top-op, and now want bottom-op.
But it's really not about you. Yeah, I feel silly for hating on bottom-op when now I'm strongly considering metoidioplasty as a future option for me, but that's not a big deal. The problem is that more of us have bottom-op than people seem to think. Non-op trans guys really get it in their heads that there are like four trans guys in the world who have had bottom-op and the rest of us haven't. That's not even close to true, and when you talk about how horrible it is you are making a mockery of them whether you intended to or not.
"We HAVE to STOP the RAD FEMS!"
I'm so sick of the topic of radical feminists coming up.
Let's be real for a minute here. Radical feminists can be vicious, transphobic assholes (although not all of them are transphobic, for the record). But they're also a dying movement with very little actual power. When people create legislation to limit transgender freedoms, they are not doing it because they read "The Transsexual Empire." Consider that feminism in general--something that all rational people should subscribe to whether in that name or not--has an undeserved nasty reputation anyway. If you say you support something for feminist reasons, there are thousands of people who will whine about how horrible feminism is. "Feminist" is even used as a slur to demean women who actually speak about their own rights. Consider the hate and vitriol spewed at Anita Sarkeesian for doing something as radical as stating the fucking obvious fact that there is sexism in video games. And "radical feminist" has even poorer connotations.
So I'm a paleo eater. Wait, this is actually relevant. Paleo eaters do not as a general rule get along with vegans (well, maybe as individuals, but not as a community). We have eating styles that are polar opposites of each other. And paleo eaters spend a hell of a lot of time debunking veganism and complaining about veganism without really recognizing that vegans are like less than a percent of the population and our time would be better spent working against, say, the Standard American Diet. Conversely, vegans love rambling on and on about paleo eaters without realizing that we are a similarly small slice of the population.
The point is that we have no real reason to spend so much energy complaining about radical feminists. We'd be much better off encouraging full inclusion in more mainstream feminist pursuits (especially of trans women women of color, low-income women, etc.). If we talk about transphobic feminists at all, it should be to remind mainstream feminists that transphobia is no more a "feminist belief" than racism or homophobia (both of which have been aggressively defended in "feminist" literature).
But the rad fems themselves... seriously? They aren't worth it.
"But so-and-so posted my picture/posted my words/said mean things about me!" I get it, she's an asshole. Welcome to the Internet. I'm sorry you had a screenshot taken from a public YouTube account and posted somewhere which is literally only read by trans people who seemingly want to be offended and like eight man-hating lesbians. Stop triggering yourself by visiting and don't concern yourself with it.
But yeah, that's it for now. Oh, believe me, there are plenty of other things I could complain about... but my blood pressure is bad enough.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
An Open Letter to Pride Event Organizers, Presenters, and Vendors on Inclusion
I just finished a weekend of Pridefest Milwaukee (or rather a Friday and a Saturday). And I had a lot of fun... met people in person I'd only known on the Internet, saw a lot of cool performers, ate food I shouldn't be eating... Pridefest has always been fun for me. It even had a polyamory-inclusive event and a furry events... although I'll go into those later in this letter.
It was sorely lacking in transgender and bisexual inclusiveness, as it always has been. A friend of mine brought this up on Facebook, where they said that they had of course included the T... by citing a drag show. Because of this, and because I know there are plenty of organizers who think things exactly like this, I'd like to mention a few things that hopefully will help you create a more inclusive atmosphere in the future.
Some of these problems are not the fault of the actual organizers, so this is directed at not only them but at presenters, vendors, and perhaps even attendees.
1. Know that transgender people and other gender variant people DO attend pride events.
In Milwaukee it would have been hard to throw a coin and not hit a trans person at some points. And I'm not even including exclusive drag performers (people who only do performance drag but are not transgender or transsexual), who may or may not be considered transgender or gender variant depending on how you look at it. We were everywhere. There were trans guys running around with their surgery scars showing, trans women trading advice, and when you got to the smaller drag shows (which were more catered to transgender people than other events) there were loads of us.
There always are. The last year I went dressed in this ridiculous scouting outfit in an effort to mark myself as trans (back when I still had some visibility, sigh) and there were trans women, trans men, and genderqueers stopping me to talk. We are not an insignificant part of the Pride base.
2. Drag events do not count as transgender inclusiveness, and pretending they do is actually really offensive.
Yes, drag performers are included in a number of definitions of "transgender." I neither support nor discourage this, it is what it is. I also personally enjoy drag shows. But realize that transgender people have for decades been equated--not just associated, but equated--with drag performers. But there is a big distinction. An exclusive drag performer can turn off that gender performance. A drag queen, for example, does not generally need to worry about the same things a trans woman does. A drag king does not need to deal with the same issues as a trans man. So when you equate "trans inclusiveness" with "two hour long drag show," what you wind up doing--albeit unintentionally--is downplay those of us who are dealing with living transgender and replacing us with people who do it for art. It's like having a straight guy who has gay sex for money at an event and saying it's gay inclusiveness.
That's not to say that drag performers don't encounter trouble (just as any minority does), and there are drag performers who are also transsexual (I've found this is especially true for drag kings), but keep in mind "transgender" does not mean "drag."
3. When it comes to entertainers, there are plenty of transgender performers out there who are not drag performers.
Pride events are often entertainment events, and as such there is going to be different programming than, say, an educational event or a conference where one would expect a lot of very specific programming. But that's not an excuse to not be inclusive.
There are plenty of transgender performers who are not drag queens and kings. There are comedians like Ian Harvie, spoken word artists like Kit Yan and Julia Serano, musical artists like Bell Nuntita, Kim Petras, Katastrophe, Joshua Klipp, and Alex Davis. Again, that's not to say you can't also have drag performers, but balance it out a bit.
4. Events that should be inclusive should be inclusive.
At Milwaukee Pride this year there was this history exhibit which had posters. The posters had events in LGBT history... or rather LG history... and markers to add your own events.
There were a lot of omissions and mistakes in it. One of the most egregious? It referred to Stonewall as an event between police and "angry gays and lesbians," completely stripping out the massive influence of trans women and gender-noncomforming people (a friend of mine has posted screenshots). There was very little mention of not only trans people, but also bisexuals and women were not well represented, either.
Tucked in the corner there was a student-created exhibit which had the stories of Lou Sullivan and Sylvia Rivera, but it was being headed by somebody with little knowledge of trans issues (I know this because she tried to explain to me what gay trans men were).
People who went to the exhibit added a lot of historical points that the original creators forgot... and they're going to forget some things... but there was no way we should have needed to add damned near everything.
Make an effort to make events like that inclusive. Remember that Google exists. Don't give me that "transgender people didn't impact gay history" bullshit. Gays and lesbians were separate movements for a portion of their history, too.
This includes not only historical events, but also stuff like safer sex events and health events and film events. These really need transgender-specific information and content. I should not go to a kiosk that has eight films at an LGBT event in which none of them feature a serious transgender character or creator.
5. Vendors! Be aware that we exist!
Trans people aren't known for our disposable income (which is why some groups cut us off of their list when they're trying to get companies to love queer people), but keep in mind that like most people when we go to an event that has vendors we're not just going to ignore them most of the time.
There were maybe twenty vendor tables at Pridefest... three of them had transgender-inclusive merchandise, and not very much of it at that. One table was run by three nice gentleman who had lots of books, videos, and magnets for LGB people... and four buttons, hidden off in the corner, geared toward trans people (I did in fact buy one). There was another stand that had some bracelets, keychains, and pendants with transgender flags on them, and a paint-tattoo stand had one transgender design. The rest of them had... nothing.
There were leather flags and bear flags everywhere... no transgender flags. There was gay fiction and lesbian fiction and "general queer" fiction... and no trans fiction. There were more purchases geared toward furries than trans people, and while I love the furries, there is something really bizarre about accommodating them more than people who are actually in your acronym.
Also be aware that we notice. While I was walking through there--and I did so several times--I ran into many trans people who commented on the lack of inclusion.
6. If you have an area for organizations, invite trans groups if none initially sign up.
There were no transgender-centered groups that showed up this year. I'm not sure why, as there has usually been at least one, but keep in mind that trans people really do need resources. If none sign up, invite some to at least try getting some information out there. If nothing else, put out some information for local groups.
7. Don't confine transgender and gender-variant stuff--and in fact any other "obscure" stuff--to youth concerns.
There's this bizarre thing going on--and it was totally obvious at Pridefest this year--where people assume that trans and gender variant people stop existing when we turn twenty four. There was an event this year about gender-variant children... and that's absolutely wonderful, but why was it the only serious transgender or gender variant event? There was a hell of a lot of inclusiveness in the youth area compared to elsewhere... there was a nod to "alternative" relationships like polyamory, there were bisexual and transgender flags flying, there was even a furry workshop where people could make ears and a tail. But there was barely even a nod to these things elsewhere, implying that these are things we are going to grow out of when we finally transform into normal gays and lesbians.
8. Why do I even need to bring this up? Can you have at least one gender neutral restroom? And can you please encourage non-binary language?
I don't habitually use gender-neutral restrooms anymore. I am a trans man, at the point in transition where I pass 100% as if I were a cis male, so I use men's restrooms. I consider bothering over restrooms to be a bit of a cliché. Picking a restroom has never been top priority for me.
But there are plenty of trans and gender variant people who aren't in my position. There are trans men and trans women who don't pass well yet and aren't comfortable drawing attention to themselves by walking into a men's or women's room. There are people who identify as neither man nor woman. People who are dressing in drag and have to make awkward decisions. And people with disabilities who show up with caregivers of the opposite sex (there were quite a few of those this year). There were probably six restrooms there... all of which were single-sex.
Surveys should also be inclusive, if you happen to be running a stand that uses them. I took a survey as somebody who quit smoking that was pretty good in this regard (with four options for gender and then a write-in), but others made you choose "male" or "female." Now, for me and many other transsexuals this isn't a big personal deal for the same reason restrooms aren't... I just circle "male..." but there are people for whom this just won't work.
When presenting avoid phrases like "ladies and gentleman," or worse, just one of those. I know there are plenty of gay guys and drag queens who think it's cute to refer to everyone as "girls" and "ladies," but it's obnoxious and for some of us it's triggering. "Ladies and gentleman" is a canned phrase, anyway.
9. LISTEN!
Even if organizers of events don't always do things perfectly (and none of us do, it's not like I'm Mr. Inclusive myself), actually listening and responding to concerns can really change my opinion of a person or an event.
It was sorely lacking in transgender and bisexual inclusiveness, as it always has been. A friend of mine brought this up on Facebook, where they said that they had of course included the T... by citing a drag show. Because of this, and because I know there are plenty of organizers who think things exactly like this, I'd like to mention a few things that hopefully will help you create a more inclusive atmosphere in the future.
Some of these problems are not the fault of the actual organizers, so this is directed at not only them but at presenters, vendors, and perhaps even attendees.
1. Know that transgender people and other gender variant people DO attend pride events.
In Milwaukee it would have been hard to throw a coin and not hit a trans person at some points. And I'm not even including exclusive drag performers (people who only do performance drag but are not transgender or transsexual), who may or may not be considered transgender or gender variant depending on how you look at it. We were everywhere. There were trans guys running around with their surgery scars showing, trans women trading advice, and when you got to the smaller drag shows (which were more catered to transgender people than other events) there were loads of us.
There always are. The last year I went dressed in this ridiculous scouting outfit in an effort to mark myself as trans (back when I still had some visibility, sigh) and there were trans women, trans men, and genderqueers stopping me to talk. We are not an insignificant part of the Pride base.
2. Drag events do not count as transgender inclusiveness, and pretending they do is actually really offensive.
Yes, drag performers are included in a number of definitions of "transgender." I neither support nor discourage this, it is what it is. I also personally enjoy drag shows. But realize that transgender people have for decades been equated--not just associated, but equated--with drag performers. But there is a big distinction. An exclusive drag performer can turn off that gender performance. A drag queen, for example, does not generally need to worry about the same things a trans woman does. A drag king does not need to deal with the same issues as a trans man. So when you equate "trans inclusiveness" with "two hour long drag show," what you wind up doing--albeit unintentionally--is downplay those of us who are dealing with living transgender and replacing us with people who do it for art. It's like having a straight guy who has gay sex for money at an event and saying it's gay inclusiveness.
That's not to say that drag performers don't encounter trouble (just as any minority does), and there are drag performers who are also transsexual (I've found this is especially true for drag kings), but keep in mind "transgender" does not mean "drag."
3. When it comes to entertainers, there are plenty of transgender performers out there who are not drag performers.
Pride events are often entertainment events, and as such there is going to be different programming than, say, an educational event or a conference where one would expect a lot of very specific programming. But that's not an excuse to not be inclusive.
There are plenty of transgender performers who are not drag queens and kings. There are comedians like Ian Harvie, spoken word artists like Kit Yan and Julia Serano, musical artists like Bell Nuntita, Kim Petras, Katastrophe, Joshua Klipp, and Alex Davis. Again, that's not to say you can't also have drag performers, but balance it out a bit.
4. Events that should be inclusive should be inclusive.
At Milwaukee Pride this year there was this history exhibit which had posters. The posters had events in LGBT history... or rather LG history... and markers to add your own events.
There were a lot of omissions and mistakes in it. One of the most egregious? It referred to Stonewall as an event between police and "angry gays and lesbians," completely stripping out the massive influence of trans women and gender-noncomforming people (a friend of mine has posted screenshots). There was very little mention of not only trans people, but also bisexuals and women were not well represented, either.
Tucked in the corner there was a student-created exhibit which had the stories of Lou Sullivan and Sylvia Rivera, but it was being headed by somebody with little knowledge of trans issues (I know this because she tried to explain to me what gay trans men were).
People who went to the exhibit added a lot of historical points that the original creators forgot... and they're going to forget some things... but there was no way we should have needed to add damned near everything.
Make an effort to make events like that inclusive. Remember that Google exists. Don't give me that "transgender people didn't impact gay history" bullshit. Gays and lesbians were separate movements for a portion of their history, too.
This includes not only historical events, but also stuff like safer sex events and health events and film events. These really need transgender-specific information and content. I should not go to a kiosk that has eight films at an LGBT event in which none of them feature a serious transgender character or creator.
5. Vendors! Be aware that we exist!
Trans people aren't known for our disposable income (which is why some groups cut us off of their list when they're trying to get companies to love queer people), but keep in mind that like most people when we go to an event that has vendors we're not just going to ignore them most of the time.
There were maybe twenty vendor tables at Pridefest... three of them had transgender-inclusive merchandise, and not very much of it at that. One table was run by three nice gentleman who had lots of books, videos, and magnets for LGB people... and four buttons, hidden off in the corner, geared toward trans people (I did in fact buy one). There was another stand that had some bracelets, keychains, and pendants with transgender flags on them, and a paint-tattoo stand had one transgender design. The rest of them had... nothing.
There were leather flags and bear flags everywhere... no transgender flags. There was gay fiction and lesbian fiction and "general queer" fiction... and no trans fiction. There were more purchases geared toward furries than trans people, and while I love the furries, there is something really bizarre about accommodating them more than people who are actually in your acronym.
Also be aware that we notice. While I was walking through there--and I did so several times--I ran into many trans people who commented on the lack of inclusion.
6. If you have an area for organizations, invite trans groups if none initially sign up.
There were no transgender-centered groups that showed up this year. I'm not sure why, as there has usually been at least one, but keep in mind that trans people really do need resources. If none sign up, invite some to at least try getting some information out there. If nothing else, put out some information for local groups.
7. Don't confine transgender and gender-variant stuff--and in fact any other "obscure" stuff--to youth concerns.
There's this bizarre thing going on--and it was totally obvious at Pridefest this year--where people assume that trans and gender variant people stop existing when we turn twenty four. There was an event this year about gender-variant children... and that's absolutely wonderful, but why was it the only serious transgender or gender variant event? There was a hell of a lot of inclusiveness in the youth area compared to elsewhere... there was a nod to "alternative" relationships like polyamory, there were bisexual and transgender flags flying, there was even a furry workshop where people could make ears and a tail. But there was barely even a nod to these things elsewhere, implying that these are things we are going to grow out of when we finally transform into normal gays and lesbians.
8. Why do I even need to bring this up? Can you have at least one gender neutral restroom? And can you please encourage non-binary language?
I don't habitually use gender-neutral restrooms anymore. I am a trans man, at the point in transition where I pass 100% as if I were a cis male, so I use men's restrooms. I consider bothering over restrooms to be a bit of a cliché. Picking a restroom has never been top priority for me.
But there are plenty of trans and gender variant people who aren't in my position. There are trans men and trans women who don't pass well yet and aren't comfortable drawing attention to themselves by walking into a men's or women's room. There are people who identify as neither man nor woman. People who are dressing in drag and have to make awkward decisions. And people with disabilities who show up with caregivers of the opposite sex (there were quite a few of those this year). There were probably six restrooms there... all of which were single-sex.
Surveys should also be inclusive, if you happen to be running a stand that uses them. I took a survey as somebody who quit smoking that was pretty good in this regard (with four options for gender and then a write-in), but others made you choose "male" or "female." Now, for me and many other transsexuals this isn't a big personal deal for the same reason restrooms aren't... I just circle "male..." but there are people for whom this just won't work.
When presenting avoid phrases like "ladies and gentleman," or worse, just one of those. I know there are plenty of gay guys and drag queens who think it's cute to refer to everyone as "girls" and "ladies," but it's obnoxious and for some of us it's triggering. "Ladies and gentleman" is a canned phrase, anyway.
9. LISTEN!
Even if organizers of events don't always do things perfectly (and none of us do, it's not like I'm Mr. Inclusive myself), actually listening and responding to concerns can really change my opinion of a person or an event.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
So-you-wanna be a bearded lady, huh?
This is something that's been nagging at me for a really long time, and I think it's important here--a space which is mostly meant for trans men but also for some varieties of non-trans-men who Google-through to particular pages. And yes, it's a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend kind of story, but the fact is there are lots of people--trans men and otherwise--who don't understand that you can't always pick and choose what testosterone does to you.
This friend-of-a-friend case involves a cis woman who loves the idea of being a bearded lady. I'm not sure what the whole story is, here, except that she was looking for illicit sources of testosterone so that she could attain this appearance.
It's not the goal I have a problem with. Why should I care if a woman wants a beard? I wish society stopped making women who do have facial hair so damned uncomfortable with it (same thing with the obligation to shave places that most women do have hair). If testosterone achieved what she wanted it to, the need to write this essay would not exist.
But it doesn't.
Personally, at five months on T I have a little facial hair, enough to help me pass and thin out my face a little. Not a whole hell of a lot, though. And most guys I know don't have nearly the amount I do at this time. Some have to be on a full dose of T for years before it comes.
However, at five months my hairline is receding a little, my face shape changed, my musculature changed, and most importantly, even without visual context my voice is male-sounding enough that I have only been misheard as female once in the last four months.
You can't just say "I'm going to grow a beard and nothing else." If they could make custom batches of T for different effects, there aren't that many guys who would go for "the works." We'd do what any normal guy would do and try to prevent going bald and getting acne. Which reminds me: I'm not saying that if you are on testosterone or really plan to go on it you can't try to mold the effects of it. Shaping your body through exercise and diet, trying to avoid losing hair by using Rogaine or Propecia, getting rid of acne by using antibiotics or topical medications, these are all ways people try dealing with the effects of T they don't want. Everybody, not just trans men.
But there are several things you can't pick and choose, and the ones you can you can only pick and choose sometimes. Rogaine doesn't work for everybody. Not everybody can maintain a workout regimen that will get them where they want to be. Voice training to get your voice back into a female range doesn't always work. And these could all be things you need to deal with before you get the effects you do want.
"Well, I can just stop when I get to the point I want to be at." Yes, you can do that. Many people have: Trans men who change their minds or have health problems, trans men who don't want to go bald, female-bodied genderqueer people who want some masculinization... but be aware that you can't pick when these changes are going to happen, and some of them may go right back to your pre-T levels when you get off of T, and if your ovaries have shut down already you could go through a lot of emotional pain while they start back up again.
My point here is that you need to really know what you're getting into, because you might not be getting what you want.
This friend-of-a-friend case involves a cis woman who loves the idea of being a bearded lady. I'm not sure what the whole story is, here, except that she was looking for illicit sources of testosterone so that she could attain this appearance.
It's not the goal I have a problem with. Why should I care if a woman wants a beard? I wish society stopped making women who do have facial hair so damned uncomfortable with it (same thing with the obligation to shave places that most women do have hair). If testosterone achieved what she wanted it to, the need to write this essay would not exist.
But it doesn't.
Personally, at five months on T I have a little facial hair, enough to help me pass and thin out my face a little. Not a whole hell of a lot, though. And most guys I know don't have nearly the amount I do at this time. Some have to be on a full dose of T for years before it comes.
However, at five months my hairline is receding a little, my face shape changed, my musculature changed, and most importantly, even without visual context my voice is male-sounding enough that I have only been misheard as female once in the last four months.
You can't just say "I'm going to grow a beard and nothing else." If they could make custom batches of T for different effects, there aren't that many guys who would go for "the works." We'd do what any normal guy would do and try to prevent going bald and getting acne. Which reminds me: I'm not saying that if you are on testosterone or really plan to go on it you can't try to mold the effects of it. Shaping your body through exercise and diet, trying to avoid losing hair by using Rogaine or Propecia, getting rid of acne by using antibiotics or topical medications, these are all ways people try dealing with the effects of T they don't want. Everybody, not just trans men.
But there are several things you can't pick and choose, and the ones you can you can only pick and choose sometimes. Rogaine doesn't work for everybody. Not everybody can maintain a workout regimen that will get them where they want to be. Voice training to get your voice back into a female range doesn't always work. And these could all be things you need to deal with before you get the effects you do want.
"Well, I can just stop when I get to the point I want to be at." Yes, you can do that. Many people have: Trans men who change their minds or have health problems, trans men who don't want to go bald, female-bodied genderqueer people who want some masculinization... but be aware that you can't pick when these changes are going to happen, and some of them may go right back to your pre-T levels when you get off of T, and if your ovaries have shut down already you could go through a lot of emotional pain while they start back up again.
My point here is that you need to really know what you're getting into, because you might not be getting what you want.
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